


You're the feeling I can't put down (the shiver I can’t shake)

by Obliviouslarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Because tbh we all want that, BoyxBoy, Break Up, Canon, Comeback, Desperate Louis, Endgame Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Enemies to Lovers, Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Exes to Lovers, Fetus, Fetus Harry Styles, Fetus Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Fetus Louis Tomlinson, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Harry Styles - Freeform, Hiatus, Kinda, Liam Payne - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Makeup, Niall Horan - Freeform, One Direction Hiatus, One Direction coming back from their hiatus, Post-Break Up, Post-Zayn One Direction, Reunion, WIP, X-Factor - Freeform, angst with happy ending, im so sorry, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, stylinson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:27:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21687439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obliviouslarry/pseuds/Obliviouslarry
Summary: I always said that I’d mess up eventually. I told you that, so what did you expect from me? It shouldn't come as no surprise at all. I know you said that you'd give me another chance, but you and I knew the truth of it in advance. Mentally, you were already out the doorNever thought that giving up would be so hard, but God, I'm missing you and your addictive heartor the one where Louis realises that he ruined the best thing he has ever had and now he wants it back
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 70
Collections: Larry, readfics larry





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this fic came about around 2019 when I started slowly losing confidence in Larry (don't worry it has been restored) and felt like they might have broken up somewhere around the beginning of the hiatus and I wanted to write how I imagine them finding their way back together after that. 
> 
> small warning in the beginning whilst this still is a WIP, I tend to be a slow updater when my uni gets extremly busy (finals and stuff), so sorry for that. 
> 
> I would like to thank everyone for showing their support in the comment section and everyone that has been giving this work kudos, you guys keep me going <3
> 
> This is not betaed or britpicked, so if you find a mistake please let me know :)
> 
> you can find me on tumblr & twitter at @obliviouslarryx. feel free to send me a message if you want to!
> 
> \- Lisanne :)

**You're the feeling I can't put down (the shiver I can’t shake)**

_“Uhm, my first real crush was.. Louis Tomlinson.”_

_“Who?”_

_“Louis Tomlinson.”_

_“Louis Tomlinson, how does he feel about you?”_

_“Mutual, we’ve discussed it.”_

The memory hit Harry hard. His peaceful slumber disturbed by the memory that once used to be the cause of the small fond smile playing on his lips whilst he uttered the name in the past, now only just a painful remaining memory that made the light in his emerald green eyes disappear. He had tried to shut the overflow of memories out from his consciousness, tried to make them disappear as much as he could. He could slightly manage to do so when the sun was lighting up the sky during the day, writing all of the heavy feelings and memories that haunted him off his chest. However, once the night arrived and the sun went down, so went the walls that were holding back the carefully tucked away feelings. His unconsciousness couldn’t help but reach out to the far buried memories of the person that once used to be the love of his life.

He sat up straight in his bed with his back firmly pressed against the headboard, his forehead glistering with a small layer of sweat that had been formed whilst the hauntig memories had been flashing behind his closed eyelids. He looked at the empty space beneath him where a permanent dent in the form of a body that once felt like coming home had been formed. Some mornings he would wake up trying to reach for the ghost of the person that once used to lay there, the name softly tumbling over Harry’s soft, plush lips in the form of an ever so soft whisper like a secret that shouldn’t be spilled. Those were the days were he would be unable to get out of his bed, the days were he cancelled all of his obligations with the simple excuse that he was sick, the days where he would lay in his bed sobbing all day before he fell asleep due to the exhaustion the constant somberness would bring, hoping that the next day would be better than the day prior.

Of course, his friends noticed that Harry’s eyes hadn’t been glowing as brightly as they used to for the past 2 years when he had been together with Louis, however they remained hopeful that one day the old, always smiling Harry that they knew would return to them. Naturally, not all of his days resembled the bad days. He had good days too, and they had been occurring more regularly than the bad days had been the past half year. Sometimes he had days where he woke up feeling like he could handle the world again, feeling like losing Louis hadn’t been the end of his life, feeling like he was over him.

Louis had been the first person that he had been in love with. You don’t get over your first ever real relationship within a few weeks, nobody does. Harry knew that. Sometimes it was just hard to push away those overwhelming feelings, the familiarity, when you’re both famous and images, videos and songs of Louis were all plastered wherever he went. Sometimes he likes to think that maybe, just maybe, some of Louis’ lyrics were about him. Some sentences feeling just a little too familiar, making him recall the countless memories that they had created. They always used to write songs about each other during the time that the band was still together, always sweet and wonderful songs, sometimes a few lines or an odd song hinting at the struggles they were having behind closed doors that came with hiding their love for the public eye, forbidden by their management to come out for who they really were.

[‘Two Ghost’](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suNBBjPdkhA) had been one of the many songs that Harry remembers writing about Louis.

Same lips red, same eyes blue

Same white shirt, couple more tattoos

But it's not you and it's not me

Tastes so sweet, looks so real

Sounds like something that I used to feel

But I can't touch what I see

We're not who we used to be

We're not who we used to be

We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me

Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

The fridge light washes this room white

Moon dances over your good side

This was all we used to need

Tongue-tied like we've never known

Telling those stories we already told

'Cause we don't say what we really mean

We're not who we used to be

We're not who we used to be

We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me

We're not who we used to be

We're not who we used to be

We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty

Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

We're not who we used to be

We're not who we used to be

We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me

We're not who we used to be

We don't see what we used to see

We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty

Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

I'm just trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat  
  


Harry had written the song after a particularly difficult time he and Louis had went through during their relationship. The strain on their relationship had been increasing by the day, constantly snapping at each at every little inconvenience that came along their way. Harry had felt their relationship changing. He didn’t feel like Louis and him were the same persons as when they had first entered their relationship.

Harry still loved Louis nevertheless, however he just wasn’t sure if Louis was still feeling as strongly about him as prior. Their conversation had been growing shorter and less meaningful than Harry remembered with every second that ticked on the clock. It had broken Harry, he just didn’t know how to fix it. He had wanted to fix it so badly, but he hadn’t know if it was still possible, and his believe in a positive outcome was decreasing with every leave that was falling from the trees during the fall season. Louis had been floating farther away from him, distancing himself from Harry farther and farther, with every minute that that was passing by.

He and Louis had changed so much since their relationship had started during the x-factor. Louis was still having a hard time coming to terms about who he really was sexuality wise, whilst Harry kept growing more confident with who he really was by the day, growing more accepting of himself. He knew that he deserved someone who was sure about him, who wanted to come out with him once they were allowed, who was prepared to with for him and for them, for their rights. However, Harry wasn’t sure if Louis would be able to give that to him. Some nights Harry felt like he couldn’t breathe, feeling suffocated by his own doubts whilst Louis was laying with his back turned towards him, having neglected cuddling Harry for countless nights already, Harry’s heart growing colder with every night that Louis hadn’t been cuddled up to his back. He truly did believe that Louis was the love of his life, but he wasn’t sure if Louis felt the same about him and his heart was cracking more piece by piece every time that Louis ignored him, refused to give him the love he once had given the younger lad.  
  
Louis used to sing Harry to sleep with his caring, mellow voice during the honeymoon phase of their relationship, humming melodies and lines that were all about them. Be that as it may, when he remembered how Louis had left him 2 years ago, the words he once had uttered, it was highly unlikely that any of his current lyrics were actually about him.

_“Harry.” Louis had started, his voice slightly shaking “I think we have to talk.” Louis finished, his voiced filled with dread and guilt about what he was about to do._

_“Why? What do you want talk about Lou?” Harry asked, surprise prevalent in his voice that had raised an octave. A lump forming in his throat. Nothing pleasant ever happened after the ‘we have to talk’ statement, everybody knows that._

_“I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways, love.” Louis said, a lump also having been formed in his throat, making his voice sound pained._

_Harry looked at him in shock for a few seconds, alternating with moments of hurt and anger flashing across his oh so lovely green eyes. It took him a few minutes to process Louis’ absurd statement. He knew that they had been struggling the last couple of months, management pressing them harder about having to hide their relationship for the eyes of the public. They had been increasing the pressure on Louis’ pr-relationships, even making up a ridiculous baby rumor, that had left Harry’s heart in pieces, but he was certain that they would get through it. At least, they always had._

_Suddenly, Harry’s emotions flipped from hurt to absolutely vivid. What the fuck did Louis think he was doing, breaking his heart this way after all the time that they had spent together, all the memories they had created together, everything they had been through together. Just to throw it away. He wasn’t going to let it happen!_

_“Do not call me babe. What do you think you are doing!” Harry almost screamed, voice raised more than it had ever been, articulating every single word harshly. “Don’t you dare to break up with me after we’ve been through so much, after I’ve tolerated so much bullshit of you. Why would you even think about breaking up Louis!” He continued whilst taking two steps back, trying to create distance between him and Louis. It was too much, way too much, he couldn’t handle all his conflicting emotions at the moment. He needed Louis to make it alright, he needed Louis to calm him down like he had always done, he needed Louis to undo the hurt that he had caused. However, that was not what happened, because the following words that left Louis mouth the next few dreadful seconds, broke his heart even more than the first sentence already had._

_“I don’t think I can do it anymore. I can’t handle it anymore. All the PR-stunt, us having to hide all the time. I don’t think I love you like I used to anymore.” As soon as those last words left Louis’ mouth, Harry had broken down in a heap of tears and hiccups. He couldn’t believe the words that were being uttered by his boyfriend, or maybe currently his ex-boyfriend. He didn’t love Harry anymore? What about all the touches and kissing that were exchange last night?_

_“What do you mean you don’t love me anymore?” Harry had stuttered through his sobs, making it hard for Louis to understand him at all. Louis was standing over him, looking down at him sadly, wanting to gather the mess that Harry was in his arms and fix him, fix everything, but he couldn’t. it had to be done._

_“I’m so sorry, Harry.” Louis uttered softly, he couldn’t help but to reach out to Harry, to touch him one more time before he had to turn around and he would never be able to touch Harry the same anymore, ever. Harry flinched away from him, eyes filled with betrayal and hurt, tears had begun to stream down his lovely cheeks faster than before. His sobs had turned quiet and he was just lying there with his head between his arms, hidden from Louis. Hoping that if he would stay hidden for a few more seconds everything would just disappear, hoping that he was just having a bad dream that he would wake up from every second._

_A few seconds of Louis standing there silently had passed, not getting any more words in exchange from Harry. He turned around and walked out of the door, slowly shutting it behind him leaving Harry all by himself on the cold floor, crying._

A week later One Direction had announced their hiatus. The need for rest had hit the peak after 6 years of working non-stop, not being able to see their family as much as they would like to, sometimes not even able to go home for the holidays. The truth was, it had also become too hard for Harry to see Louis almost every day of the week, the older lad looking at him with pity filling his blue eyes, he couldn’t handle it anymore. Harry had announced his need for a break away from the band to Niall a few nights prior to the announcement, expressing his desperation to get away from Louis, the love of his life, whilst he was crying next to Niall on the couch who had been there for him constantly during the past week. Niall was the one who had found Harry crying on the floor after the break-up when the younger lad hadn’t answered his texts for a few hours. He had comforted Harry, shocked at Louis’ actions. Liam had understood as well and just like Niall he had agreed that he too needed some rest for a while and that maybe a break for the band wouldn’t hurt. Thus, that’s how the idea of the hiatus had been formed and proposed to their management team the following day, who had wearily agreed for them to take a break as long as they would agree to get back together eventually.

They had agreed to the conditions provided by their management, although Harry had been pained by the very idea of them having to get back together eventually, not wanting to be in the presence of a certain Louis Tomlinson who broke his heart and stumped on it ever again. However, he knew that Niall and Liam deserved better than him running away from the band forever.

Harry, Niall and Liam had also agreed to never let Louis learn the true reason of the sudden hiatus, so that is how Louis came to believe that the hiatus was simply due to them needing some rest after their hectic working schedule the past couple of years and nothing else besides that.

Harry had completely focused on writing after the announced hiatus of the band. All of the other boys had mentioned that they wanted to try going solo for a while, Harry had agreed. Along with the hiatus, he had also decided to part with their old management for a while. He had had the growing urge to truly be himself for a while, no more hiding, he wanted to show the world the real Harry Styles and not Harry Styles the womanizer. His new solo career had been the perfect opportunity for him to do so. He was allowed to write his own songs, about what he wanted, no restrictions. His new management had allowed him to come out when he himself was ready for him and they were willing to support him whilst doing so. It had felt extremely freeing for him, a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. With his newly focused mindset on writing, another song about Louis had followed: [‘sweet creature’](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uuk_2nv16s).

Sweet creature

Had another talk about where it's going wrong

But we're still young

We don't know where we're going but we know where we belong

And ohhhh, we started

Two hearts in one home

It's hard when we argue

We're both stubborn, I know

But oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home

Sweet creature

Running through the garden, oh, where nothing bothered us

But we're still young

I always think about you and how we don't speak enough

And ohhhh, we started

Two hearts in one home

I know it's hard, we argue

We're both stubborn, I know

But oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home

And ohhh, when we started

Just two hearts in one home

It gets harder when we argue

We're both stubborn, I know

But oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home

You bring me home

It was the song that he held the closest to his heart and he had to admit that it was the most emotional and truthful song on his just-released album. He had cried a lot in the studio whilst recording it, the song expressed all the feelings he used to have for Louis. He was truly putting his heart on the line in the song, allowing himself to be vulnerable for just once.

Harry remembers one certain interview where he had been asked if the song was about Louis.

_“-you know especially like, you know, two hearts in one home, it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn. They’re sure that that’s about your relationship with Louis Tomlinson. It.. Is it? ” The interview questioned with wonder clear in her voice, looking at Harry with one eyebrow slightly cocked. Harry felt a bit dumbfounded, not expecting this certain question at all, especially since all the media outlets had a ban about asking any questions related to Louis Tomlinson, specifically about any relationship between himself and Louis. Harry threw a glance at his manager that had come along with him to the interview who was having a shushed argument with one of the executives of the radio station, probably telling them off about breaking the clearly prior given forbidden subject rules. However, it didn’t matter that they had broken the rules, as the interview was life, and thus Harry had to answer._

_“I mean- I think- uh” Harry started before sputtering, frantically searching for a correct answer to the question in his very overwhelmed brain. “I mean- I mean. I think every- people are always going to speculate about what songs are about, um, and I don’t think I’d ever want to tell someone that they’re wrong, um, just feeling how they feel about a song, even when they’re not necessarily right. I think, you know, I think the fun thing with music is you get to write a songs and that’s all that you want to say on it and then you don’t necessarily have to explain it much other than that. But I think if you really listen to the lyrics, I think you can work out whether it’s about that or not, and I would lean towards ‘no’” Harry answered the question, knowing that his answer came off as extremely vague. Not necessarily denying it, yet not confirming it at the same time. He didn’t want to give Louis the satisfaction of knowing that the songs was about him, not wanting to bring up the present, not wanting to reopen any wounds that he had just healed himself after lots of hard work._

The song had meant closure for him, he saw his album as a tool to write all the feelings he once cherished, ,of which he could not let go, off his chest. He knew it was time for him to move on, it had been 2 years without any contact with Louis and it was time for him to let go. Sure, Louis had tried to reach out to him multiple times in the first year following their hiatus, but Harry had refused to answer, he had still been hurting too much for him to even think about talking to Louis. Harry refused to hear anything of what could possibly come out of Louis mouth, Louis had already made it clear enough that he did not love Harry anymore and that fact was all that Harry had needed to know, it was over. Even though Louis had once held Harry’s whole world in his small and dainty hands that he once used to love, Louis Tomlinson did not deserve Harry anymore nor would Louis actually still love him, it was impossible.

\---

It was the 12th of May and Harry had just released his album. Louis had listened to it with fear clouding his heart, afraid of what hidden meaning he would find in the words of the lyrics of the song. He knows what he has done to Harry when he broke up with him that fatal night, leaving Harry lying broken on the floor by himself. He had made sure to dial Niall, so that Harry would not be completely by himself, afraid of what the younger lad would do to himself. Niall had been absolutely fuming at him, cursing at Louis like the true Irishman he was and he had received a hard and deserved slap across the face when the Irish lad had seen him again for the first time. Louis had tried to explain himself desperately, but Niall had refused to listen to him, completely on Harry’s side. Louis had understood him, he wasn’t able to forgive himself for breaking Harry too.

He had seen Harry wither before his very own eyes, all due to Louis’ own wrongdoings. He just wanted to tell Harry that he still loved him, that he had lied, that he still needed him as much as he had prior. However, breaking up with Harry had been the right decision for the younger lad, even if it broke Harry right now, he would get better eventually, he would get over Louis sooner than later. The truth was that the PR-relationships we’re just getting the better of Louis, he couldn’t handle it anymore. He started snapping at Harry every conversation they had. Louis had been so afraid to come out, afraid of what people would think of him, too haunted by all the horrid scenarios that management had recited to him what would happen were he ever to decide to come out. Harry didn’t deserve someone like him, a wimp, Harry deserved someone better, someone who wasn’t actually afraid to show their love to the world. Louis had always been influenced more by what he was told by modest, than Harry. Harry always used to be a little rebel, his little rebel, dropping small hints about his sexuality whenever he was provided the opportunity to do so. He had started dressing like he wanted and he looked gorgeous as ever, with his long hair curling at shoulder length. Harry was truly flourishing and didn’t deserve to be held back by Louis anymore, he deserved better.

At least that is what Louis had thought 2 years ago, however throwing away what he had with Harry was the worst decision he had ever made. He could not believe that he had thrown away someone like Harry, the love of his life, why Louis ever let him go was truly a question he could not answer for himself. He had tried to contact Harry several times during the first year of their hiatus, wanting to win him back, but all hope was lost when Harry never answered. It was clear for Louis that Harry was over him and that the younger lad wanted nothing to do with Louis anymore.

However, his mind was changed when he had heard the album for the first time. Louis had heard the two song ‘Two Ghost’ & ‘Sweet Creature’ and suddenly he was sure what he had to do. He had to bring Harry back in his life, he would not give up this time, he might have ruined them beneath repair, but he should at least give it a chance. He had broken Harry, all the light in Harry’s eyes had disappeared and it was time for Louis to fix his terrible mistake and reignite the light in Harry’s eyes.

So he dialed an oh so familiar number on his phone and waited for them to pick up.

“We’ve been waiting for your call.” Their old management answered the phone curtly without a greeting.

“We need to bring the band together.”

\---

And there they were, a day later. Sitting in massive office, the four of them facing their old management. Their feeling were conflicted, both delighted and slightly mournful about them having to be present at this time in the morning for what they were expecting to be a not so joyous surprise for Harry.

Harry was sitting in the seat that was placed the farthest on the right side of the room, the farthest away from Louis whom he hadn’t even looked in the eyes once since they’ve been here. If he had to be completely honest, he wasn’t too overjoyed when he got the news that they had to be at the office of their old management at 8:30 A.M. the next morning. He knew what was coming, he realized that their hiatus must be coming to an end. Just when he had finally released his album of which he was extremely proud. He had absolutely despised their old management, modest!, with his whole heart. He had always been portrayed as the ‘womanizer’ since they had finished in third place during the X-factor finale. It had broken him in a million pieces, he didn’t understand why he had to be the one that had to be portrayed like that, especially since he hadn’t even kissed a single girl during his time in X-factor, it had always been Louis.

Their X-factors days had been so happy, so freeing, they had been allowed to be themselves. He had felt like he was being completely accepted for once in his lifetime. The boys had accepted and loved him for the way that he was, for once in his life he was completely happy. He remembers the several video dairies. He had always been beaming constantly, always play fighting and fonding at Louis who was trying to execute the most ridiculous plans in order to try and coax another smile, another glance, another giggle out of Harry. Those were the days where he would fall even more in love with Louis.

He remembers the day that him and Louis made it official like it was yesterday. It had followed after 3 weeks of absolute bliss during their stay in the X-factor house. The weeks had been filled with flirty banter and some occasional stolen cuddles. Louis had asked Harry out on a date to the fair that had been in close proximity to the X-factor house. Harry had been all dressed up, looking cute as ever, Louis had led him to the fair by his hand and never let go of his hand during the whole entire date. Well almost never.. he had to win a stuffed animal for Harry, which he did of course, or else he wouldn’t have been able to call it a date. Louis had asked him to be his boyfriend under the fireworks and finally kissed him for the first time. Fireworks had went off, literally. He remembers the clip that followed consisting of their chocolate coin challenge that had followed the day after them becoming official, happiness radiating off them.

_“This is a special challenge with special money.” Louis started with the weirdest voice he could manage, Harry giggling next to him who was lounging on the couch._

_“Let’s see who can wrap- or unwrap.. the most money in one minute!” Louis continued, holding one piece of the chocolate money. Harry was looking at him fondly with adoration filling his emerald green eyes._

_“Go!” Louis screamed, scrambling with his chocolate money to try and unwrap it. Whilst Harry was lying down and calmly going at the unwrapping task carefully. They were going at the same rate. Giggling and munching down the chocolates in between of the unwrapping._

_Harry was taking the lead so Louis went to grab Harry’s hand, trying to sabotage him. Harry, however wasn’t having it one bit and went for Louis’ crotch swiftly at which Louis let out a quick shriek before going back to his task of unwrapping and eating the chocolates as fast as he could manage._

_The timer had gone off, indicating that their little game had ended. It had ended in a tie of 2-2. They started throwing the wrappers of the cholates at each other before Harry intervened._

_“Now kiss me you fool.” Harry uttered at his boyfriend, feeling bold for a second. Louis eyes had a glint of shock go over it for a millisecond before he went in for a kiss dramatically. More shaking Harry’s hair around and moving his arms wildly, instead of actually kissing the younger lad._

Harry was shaken out of his thought by a load booming voice of their manager “so the reason why I brought you lads here is-“ out of the corner of his eyes Harry saw Louis shooting him a worrying glance followed by the mouthing of a small “okay?” which Harry decided to ignore. Louis didn’t deserve his attention, let alone an answer from him. He deserved complete and utter silence, that was all that the older lad deserved from him.

“to tell you guys that it is time for the hiatus to end. It’s time for One Direction to get back in the game. “ Louis looked around the room nervously as their manager announced the news that he had already known, the news that he had actually suggested to their management a day before. All of the boys were looking at their manager with mixed feelings covering their faces. Louis took a glance at Harry who was looking down at his lap, looking like he was about to cry every second. Louis wanted to calm him down, but he knew that he had lost the right to do so when he broke up with him.

Harry had looked beautiful when he had entered the room. His slightly sheer flowery blouse tucked into his black skinny jeans, buttons opened to almost his belly button showing off his gorgeous tattoos. The tattoos of which most matched to Louis’ own. Harry hadn’t even spared him one glance when he had entered and disappointment had filled Louis like a black mist clouding his heart. He knew he deserved it, he had broken Harry’s heart. He had just hoped that time would heal the wound that Louis had left him with, but it was clear that it hadn’t. He just hoped that reconciling with Harry was still possible, however he wasn’t as sure anymore as he had been the day prior.


	2. Chapter 2

“to tell you guys that it is time for the hiatus to end-“ at those words Harry’s world had come crashing down, his carefully built up walls of both pretend and a small sliver of real happiness collapsed into itself, the harsh new reality opening up his freshly stitched together heart. He should have expected this situation when all 4 of them got called in for a supposed surprise meeting, he could have prevented it from happening, use his willpower, his persuasiveness in order to convince management to give him another year to tour with his just released album. He had just hoped that his instincts would have been wrong for once, but he was proven to be right by the words that had just been uttered by their old, well.. as of right now also current, management.

He had hoped that they would at least have granted him with more time after he had just released his first album to be able to tour around with his own, personal songs after having poured his heart and soul into his album. He would have loved to be free of restrictions for just a little while longer to be able to do whatever he wanted with his creativity, instead of having it be repressed by his management once again, slowly forcing him back in the closet, forcing him back to the image management had laid out for him as the womanizer of the group. They would use the fact of him not having had a boyfriend in the public eye as an excuse that he wasn’t really out of the closet yet, and reason with him that he still had a way to go back. They would probably force him to stop dressing as he were right now, not approving of the out of ordinary way he dressed now, but he wouldn’t let them. He wouldn’t let them change him and he would let them know that the only way he would ever return to One Direction was if they let him be himself for once, tired of them making every decision for him in his life. They would have to promise him that he would get the freedom the be himself. He knew it was a lot to ask for from his conservative, unprogressive management, however if they wished for him to be in the band they would have to agree with him.

He let his eyes wander to Louis for a short while, tears almost immediately starting to rush to the brim of his eyes at the realization of what the current situation truly meant. Seeing Louis so suddenly again after being separated from him for so long, them not being on speaking terms at all, especially after the way Louis had cruelly left him out of the blue. Louis final words still lingering. “ _I don’t think I love you like I used to anymore”_ repeating on loop like a never ending mantra inside of his head, overpowering every rational thought. He didn’t know how he was going to do it. He didn’t know how he was going to be in the same space as Louis all the time again and not feel the urge to be his again, just when he was finally starting to get over the older man this had to happen, just his luck. Suddenly Harry felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore, a huge lump having formed in his throat. He needed to get out of the room, just for a few second, and it had to be now. He felt like he was suffocating with all the new found problems and struggles he had suddenly found himself facing and that were slowly creeping inside of his mind when thinking about the near future.

“Excuse me for just a second, I need some fresh air, I’m sorry” Harry said in a soft voice, barely a whisper, quicker than he had ever spoken. He shot up from his chair, his clumsiness causing the chair to tumble backwards and hit the ground a tad dramatically. He fled out of the door as fast as his long legs could manage, and he stormed through door after door after door until he finally felt the fresh air hit his nostrils. He took in a big gulp of fresh air, letting himself slowly calm down as he counted to 10, over and over again, remembering what he had learned during his yoga courses he had taken. 

What Harry hadn’t noticed in his sudden departure was that someone had followed him in his desperate journey for fresh air. That person was, unfortunately for Harry himself, the person he had been so desperately trying to get away from.

“Harry, are you feeling okay?” Louis said worry evident in his voice , slowly reaching out toward the younger lad with his left hand almost about to graze his arm. The movement was involuntary, it just happened automatically, the action so familiar and intuitive for him that it felt like coming home. He knew he had lost the privilege to check if Harry was alright when he broke his heart, however he couldn’t help himself but still worry and care about him, how could he not?.

Harry had tried so hard to suppress the urge to flinch away from the touch, not wanting to show Louis that he was still as hurt as before. However, he hadn’t been able to suppress it as successfully as he had hoped, he had never been the type that was able to be subtle about his feelings, always showing them on his face and his eyes readable like an open book, causing his arm to softly but noticeably flinch away from Louis’ touch, who had a hurt look evident on his face as a result.

“I’m fine, I just need to be alone for a few second, please.” Harry said pleadingly, refusing to meet Louis ocean blue eyes, afraid of what feelings and actions those familiar eyes would evoke. Harry was on the verge of giving in and walking straight towards Louis to bundle himself up in Louis’ arms safely to make all his worries melt away, even though most of these worries were caused by the man in question himself.

Louis seemingly hesitated for a few seconds before he decided to carefully speak up once again. “I miss you Harry, so much.” Louis said softly, meaning every single word of the sentence he had uttered, letting his heart speak the truth for the first time since the lie he had uttered about him not loving Harry anymore. He had missed Harry awfully since the breakup. He had known that breaking Harry’s heart would carry the consequence that he would also break his own, he just hadn’t realised for how long he would actually feel this miserable.

Harry’s eyes shot up to Louis face at the statement, a scowl slowly forming on his face, the anger and hurt becoming evident on his face. He could not believe that Louis had actually just said that he missed Harry, who did he think he was? Who was he to tell Harry that he missed him after having broken up with him so cold-blooded two years ago. Harry’s deep buried angriness was being dug up by Louis at the moment, and it was definitely not a pretty sight.

“Who do you actually think you are?” Harry barked relentlessly at the older lad. Not able to understand Louis intentions at all in this current point of time.

“Harry..:” Louis muttered hesitantly, once again trying to reach out towards the younger land, hoping to calm him down. An angry Harry was a rare occurrence, everyone knew that, so to be on the receiving end of that you would have to do something horrendous. But Louis was assuming that breaking his heart met those requirements.

“Don’t Harry me! You broke my heart and left me all by myself to mend my own heart. What could you possible still want from me?” Harry almost screamed, breaths coming out in quick huffs now. So much for fresh air, he thought to himself. He thought about it for a few seconds before deciding to storm back inside, not even willing to hear what Louis had to say, all had been said when he had decided to break up with him by telling him that he didn’t love Harry anymore.

Harry was trying to storm back to the office as fast as he could, not giving Louis’ shorter legs any chance to catch up with him, ignoring the breathless “Harry’s” that were being yelled behind him. Once he had reached the room where the meeting was taking place. Harry took a big breath, allowing a big gulp of air to fill his lungs and tone down the anger that he was feeling burning on the rim of his core, before pushing open the slightly heavy door. Harry was welcomed with multiple faces looking up at him in wonder and worry, all of them seemingly trying to ask the same question with their eyes: “What happened?”.

The second that Harry’s body had touched the surface of his chair silently, an out of breath Louis was standing in the doorway, looking bewildered as ever, increasing the worry that was evident on the faces of all the persons that were present in the room. Harry was avoiding Louis’ eyes at all costs, causing panic to erupt in Louis’ stomach. The chances of him ever being able to fix things with Harry were getting smaller with every move he made, every word he spoke and every breathe that he took. Louis was about to speak up when he was interrupted by management that had noticed the current tension of the situation.

“Louis if you could please sit down so we could resume with the meeting, thank you.” Their manager said curtly, Louis letting his head drop at the statement and sulking back towards his chair, the chair that was the farthest away from Harry.

“Is everything okay?” Niall asked Louis with a whisper when he sat down, worry clear in his light blue eyes that were subtly shooting to Harry every few seconds to check up on him.

“I don’t think so.” Louis said sadly, eyes trying to make eye contact with Harry’s green ones desperately, before being told to pay attention by management.

“What’s going to happen this week is that you guys are going to record a video together stating that the hiatus is over and that you guys are getting back together. We will also announce a small comeback tour where you guys will tour some of your previous most popular destinations. Next to that we will put time for writing and recording in your busy schedules, since we wish to release a new album in about a year and if possiblye earlier.” Their management began stating their ambitious plan, all of the boys trying to fit in their own questions once a second of silence had fallen after the statements.

“To answer your frantic questions. The set list of the comeback tour will include songs from your previous albums as a group as well as an opportunity for you all to sing a few songs from your own solo albums-“ and that was when an idea hit Louis, suddenly he knew how he was going to apologize to Harry and show him how much he still loved him.

\---

An hour later the boys were sitting on an oddly familiar staircase, they had come up with the idea to make their comeback announcement take place in a similar setting as their video dairies back in the days of the x-factor house. Of course, all the boys except for Harry and Louis had kept in touch during the hiatus, however it still felt weird to be in the same room with the complete band again. During the time of the hiatus not once had it happened that all 4 of them had been in the same room, mostly due to the complicated situation that Harry and Louis had found themselves in, mostly due to Louis’ own wrongdoings.

The vibe had been different the first half hour of their reunion than it had been during their x-factor times, mostly due to everything that had happened over the 6 years that they had been together as a band. The 4 of them had bonded a lot during the time they had been together, seeing each other more than they saw their own family. The other boys had always felt like family to them, that’s why the breakup had hurt them more than they had thought it would. The first weeks of the hiatus had felt weird for each of them, not always having 3 other lads breathing down your neck every hour of the day, not being able to mess around with them anymore, no more heartfelt deep conversation after midnight in the tour bus and no more songs just pouring out of them till the sun came up again. However, before they knew it the four of them were interacting with each other as the hiatus and breakup between Louis and Harry had never happened.

They were talking, the four of them, trying to catch each other up about everything that they had missed in their personal lives. Louis confiding in them about how hard it was for him to lose both his mother and his younger sister in such a short timeframe. Harry remembers the days that Johanna and Fizzy had died, just like they were yesterday. Words cannot express how truly saddened he had felt, every piece of his barely repaired heart had shattered apart hearing the news of the passing through the media. He wished he could have said goodbye to them, however due to his breakup with Louis he had also parted from Louis’ family. That was the thing that had hurt him the most, the reason why he had broken down for days, because he hadn’t been granted the chance to say goodbye to both Johanna and Fizzy. His mother had invited him along to the funerals, hoping to grant Harry the opportunity to say goodbye and gives his heart a chance to rest and heal peacefully. However, Harry had denied, feeling like Louis wouldn’t have wanted him there and feeling like he didn’t deserve to be there as well.

He must have been too deep into his own thoughts, causing him to space out a little for a while, because he was broken out of his saddening thoughts by the loud chatter between the 3 other lads. When he looked up he saw that Louis was looking up at him with a mix of sadness and worry filling his clear crystal blue eyes, having turned his whole body around from the bottom of the stairs in order to chat with the other lads. Harry caught the single tear that had slipped out of the corner of his eyes and looked away from Louis’ piercing eyes quickly before joining the conversation where Niall and Liam had been caught in, a loud and joking argument like the old times, laughter filling the air.

A few minutes later their rapidly moving conversation was interrupted by some producer, of which they had not cared to remember the name with which he had used to introduce himself to them, telling them that it was time for them to start filming for the comeback announcement. The idea was simple, all the had to do was read the cue cards that they would be shown announcing that they were getting back together and that their comeback tour would start in 2 months aloud whilst looking happy doing so. What wasn’t easy however, was making Louis and Harry seem as comfortable and friendly with each other as before the hiatus, but that would be an issue they would deal with later.

“Okay, let’s get into position.” The producer said in a load and authoritative voice, at which all of the boys sat up as straight as possible, a beaming smile forming on their faces within a few seconds.


	3. Chapter 3

The fandom had unsurprisingly erupted in absolutely chaos following the announcement. Every single one of their personal social media channels had started blowing up even more than they’ve already been prior to the announcement of their comeback. Their phones even having to be put on silent to escape the constant notifications sounds that were scattered throug the room as they were trying to serve as a reminder of how much their life was being altered again at the moment. The situation had finally began to sink in. Their hiatus had ended, all of them had been feeling conflicted when they first heard the news during the surprise meeting. Feeling both utter joy as well as nagging disappointment. Even though the disappointment had been put on a low burner shortly after the meeting, sometimes it was still evident in their tone throughout their conversations with each other. All of them felt like they still hadn’t gotten the chance to fully develop themselves as a solo artist. The urge of wanting to have their voice and story to be heard, without the other boys possibly overshadowing them in the process. However, at the same time the happiness had also shone through, ever so brightly. All of them somewhat relieved to go back to the thing that felt safe and familiar, to go back to what felt most like home, One Direction.

The boys had quickly fallen into their old behavior over the past week, chatting about everything and nothing with each other whilst constantly teasing each other. They had spent the past week in the cabin where they first got together, essentially where their friendship had formed itself to what it used to be. They’d figured that it would be a good idea to start of the new era of their career the same as they had initially started. Most of the tension had disappeared, words flowing out of their mouths in a constant stream, not able to shut up about all the things the other boys had missed in their lives. The tension between Louis and Harry however hadn’t disappeared, even though it was mostly one sided as it was certainly Harry that was still acting defensive and guarded off from Louis himself. Of course, the other boys had noticed, the were not utter fools to not be able to tell when there was tension between the two boys that once had been inseparable were now doing the exact opposite, being completely separated both emotionally as physically.

Louis had tried to get close to Harry, believe him he really had tried, hell he was still trying right now. Desperately trying to break down the walls that Harry had built up, almost too high for Louis to look over, just barely catching a glance of the Harry he once knew that was hiding behind the metaphorically meters thick wall.

He really missed how easy everything between him and Harry used to be in the beginning. Both of them still naïve enough to believe that the world they had found themselves in would be gentle with them, that nothing would come close to even harming their relationship, let alone ruin it. Memories blessed, or maybe haunted he wasn’t certain anymore, his dreams every time Louis closed his eyes. Hoping every second that he spent in Harry’s presence that those memories might turn into reality.

He felt his thoughts slowly wander towards the memories he tried to forget, slowly tuning out of the conversation. He remembers truly how dorky and cheerful Harry used to be in his presence, his love for Louis clear in every little thing he did, never leaving Louis’ sight.

_“Do you have a valentine this year Niall?” Louis asked Niall with his arms crossed, turning his body towards the younger lad whilst asking the question._

_“No I don’t have a valentine this year.” Niall said with a small chuckle before smiling at the camera, playing his disappointment up for the cameras that were pointed towards them._

_“Harry?” Louis asked, trying to act as if he didn’t know what the two of them would be doing on valentines day._

_“Uhmmm, you.” Harry answered shyly with a small blush apparent on the apples of his cheeck, hiding his true fondness that was shining in his eyes behind his sunglasses as he grabbed Louis shoulder who looked at him with a true look of adoration. Louis couldn’t believe what he had done to deserve this boy as his boyfriend, what could he have possibly have done in his past life to deserve to have a boy such as Harry adore him that much?_

_“You two are so cute.” Niall said in the background whilst Louis and Harry were completely engrossed in each other, the two of them already thinking about all of the things they would be doing during valentines day. Louis had shot back a quick “thanks” whilst trying not to seem too overly fond, even though he knows that that was exactly what he was looking like right now. He was sure he would be receiving a not so nice talk about this from management, but to be honest he really didn’t care at the moment with Harry being so close by._

_“Do you have a valentine this year Louis?” Liam asked Louis and place his hand on the place where Louis neck met his shoulder, shaking him out of his concentration that had been fixed solely on Harry._

_“He just asked him out for dinner at the Eiffel tower.” Niall interrupted before Louis could answer and pointed at Harry,_

_“Looks like my valentine is Harry. I don’t have a choice.” Louis uttered proudly as he swung his arm over Harry’s shoulder who was now absolutely beaming at the camera. as he even would want to choose anyone besides Harry he thought to himself as he let out a small chuckle._

That valentines day had truly been one of the best days of his whole life, as promised Harry had taken him out for dinner at the Eiffel Tower where they had gazed at the stars as they ate their dinner. Harry had pointed out the constellations during that night, even claiming to have seen a shooting star whilst refusing Louis to tell what he had wished for with a big cheeky smile on his face, arguing that his wish wouldn’t come true if he would have told Louis. And if they had made out underneath the stars that night after Harry had finally caved in and told Louis his wish, nobody would ever know. His wish had been for him and Louis to be together forever, and looking back at it, telling it had definitely spoiled it. Louis wished he hadn’t made Harry tell him that wish, maybe then Harry would have gotten his wish to come true instead of having Louis break his heart.

Louis knew he didn’t deserve to long for those memories as if they were his reality. He knew he had lost the right to do so when he broke Harry’s heart, he knew he had destroyed what they used to have and that he had destroyed Harry in the process. Louis was just hoping to get Harry alone for just a second and tell him the truth about his motives. However, that idea had deemed to be impossible as Harry had been avoiding him every way possible, making sure to never be truly alone in the presence of Louis and if he ever found himself in such a situation the younger lad would immediately leave the room with a quick excuse.

He needs Harry to know that it hadn’t been his intentions to break his heart in a million pieces. As paradox as it might sound, Louis in that point of time had truly believed that what he was doing was the right thing at that moment. He thought that breaking up with Harry, to let him be free, to let him go, he was helping the younger boy. _If you love someone, set them free, because if they truly love you they will come back, right?_

However, Louis wasn’t that sure anymore of his initial train of thought as his gaze stumbled upon Harry who was sitting on the couch on the other side of the recording room, casually chatting with Niall whilst still carefully avoiding every possibility of eye contact with Louis.

They had started slowly recording a few of the songs that were possibility going to be included in their new album. Management had decided that it would be a great idea for all of the boys to include one solo song in the album, so they had started off with recording those first before they would start writing and recording together again. So far only Niall had recorded his solo song and Harry had been next, Louis was been anxiously awaiting the song that Harry would be recording, hoping to maybe get a bit of clarity from Harry’s lyrics


	4. Chapter 4

Harry had been debating with himself for a long time what would be the best solo song to record for the new album of the band. He already had multiple options lined up since he had already started working on several drafts for his next solo album, even though it wasn’t going to be happening anytime soon looking at the current situation, so he might as well use one of them whilst he still could. He also still had several drafts lying around that hadn’t made it onto the final version of his debut album, which he still loved nevertheless, so you could imagine why he was having a hard time choosing just one solo song that was worthy of being on the new album . All of his songs represented something he had been feeling at a certain point in time when he had written it, his feelings seeping into every word that he wrote down, so they were all extremely dear and personal to him. He had considered pitching a few of them to the boys as part of their collective songs, however he wasn’t completely sure if he wanted the songs to be sung by the whole band. Don’t take it the wrong way, he absolutely adored the boys, they were all so talented, he just wasn’t sure if he wanted such overly personal songs of his to be sung by people that weren’t just him.

He was excited to show the boys how he had developed himself over the years that they’d been separated. However, at the same time he felt extremely anxious about putting his feelings out in the open like that, showing exactly what he had been feeling in their absence. He had already worn his heart on his sleeve a few times too many, always getting hurt in the process. As much as he was looking forward to showing his songs to the boys, he was still extremely anxious about having to sing one of them with Louis in the room, because to be quite frank, a lot of his songs were about what Louis had put him through and how he had processed it, how it had changed him for the worst for a while. He had been successful in ignoring the older lad as much as possible since the band had been put together again, making sure that they’d never remained in the same room alone at all times. He didn’t want to give Louis the opportunity to talk to him again, especially after what had happened last time when Louis had run after him during their first meeting. The lies that had been spilled from his mouth.

He couldn’t possibly bear to receive any more fabricated apologies filled to the brim with lies from Louis. If he had wanted to fix what he had done to Harry when he broke up with him in the way he had done, he should have done it way earlier instead of coming up with such a lame ass excuse after 2 years of breaking someone’s heart which is just pathetic. Pretending to still love him and saying that he had missed Harry, who did Louis think he was to lie to Harry like that? If he had still loved him he shouldn’t have broken his heart in the first place. Louis had made his bed so now he had to go and lie in it. Harry couldn’t afford to fall for Louis’ old ways again, he couldn’t be as broken anymore as he had been.

Suddenly, Harry realised which solo song he wanted to record for the album. He had written ‘Falling’ a few weeks after Louis had broken his heart. He hadn’t put it on his debut album, as he wanted to surprise the fans with it during his first concert and maybe produce it as a separate single, since it hadn’t been fully produced when his album was due as he just couldn’t get it as perfect as he had wanted it to be. However, that plan had come crumbling down when their comeback had been announced, since he wouldn’t be doing a solo tour anymore.

He had written the song when he had started to feel himself becoming someone he didn’t want to be, it had been hard for him, feeling himself slowly drift away from the person he used to be. He had felt like he’d been drowning every single day, drowning in his own misery and guilt. After the break-up between him and Louis, he had felt himself, he had even blamed himself for the breakup for a while which had resulted in an enormous amount of guilt and sadness. He thought that Louis must have broken up with him because he had changed from the 16 year old him Louis had initially fallen in love with, thinking back to all the arguments they used to have, one of them always leaving when it got to much, even though they would always come crawling back to each other, but not this time, this time Louis had been gone for good.

The feelings had gotten to a certain point where he hadn’t seen the point in living anymore, shutting everyone out and snapping at everything and everyone around him. Looking back at it, he doesn’t understand why he’d done it, it’s not like they had done anything except trying to help him. It had been Louis who had been in the wrong and who had caused him to let himself slip away and become a completely different person who he didn’t want to be. Waking up alone every morning in the bed he once shared with Louis had been extremely hard. After a while Harry had decided that he didn’t want to be that person anymore, and started going to therapy and hanging with his friends more and after a few months he noticed himself slowly returning to the person he used to be before he got his heart broken.

It was an extremely personal song, so he was scared to put it out into the world, to recognize that he had felt so low at one point in his life. It was almost as he was going to be his greatest weakness to the world, which was scary. It was a vulnerable place to put himself in. Simply just talking about when he didn’t even want to be around himself anymore was already hard enough, singing it to the whole world was even scarier, but exposing those feelings to Louis was by far the scariest thing. He didn’t want to show Louis how deeply the breakup had affected him, Louis didn’t deserve to know how much he had hurt Harry, he didn’t deserve that satisfaction

Harry was snapped out of his thoughts by Niall who announced that he was done recording and that it was Harry’s turn. Harry slowly stood up, his legs slightly trembling as he looked back at Niall who was looking at him with concern clear in his eyes, he must have looked pretty out of it when he had been lost in his own thoughts. He felt eyes burning in the corner of his eyes, and he knew they were Louis’ and it took Harry all he had to not turn around and look back at Louis for comfort like he used to in the past.

He slowly walked over to the recording booth where he was supposed to be recording the singing part of his single for the album and slowly stepped inside the booth. After fumbling with adjusting the headphones and the mic he slowly closed his eyes before starting to count down in his head for when he was supposed to start. After 5 seconds the first line started flowing out of his mouth.

_I'm in my bed_

_And you're not here_

_And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands_

_Forget what I said_

_It's not what I meant_

_And I can't take it back_

_I can't unpack the baggage you left_

_What am I now?_

_What am I now?_

_What if I'm someone I don't want around?_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling_

_What if I'm down?_

_What if I'm out?_

_What if I'm someone you won't talk about?_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling_

Louis’ head snapped up as the words that Harry was singing slowly washed over him, soaking him in them in the process. He frantically looked around at the other boys. All of them were in a similar state as he was, eyes filled to the brim with tears that were threatening to spill out as they were mesmerised by Harry who was still standing in the booth with his eyes closed, letting the lyrics wash over him as he tried to not let his emotions get to him, not wanting to ruin the recording, still the emotions he was feeling were evident in his voice.

_You said you cared_

_And you missed me too_

_And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you_

I do still care, I do still miss you, Louis chanted in his head, desperately looking at Harry. He hoped Harry would open his eyes and see what he wanted to convey with his eyes, see what Louis was feeling. However, Harry remained with his eyes closed, a slight tremble clear in his voice that might go unnoticed by most people, but not by Louis who’s ears were in tune with all of Harry’s emotions.

_And the coffee's out_

_At the Beachwood Cafe_

_And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say_

_What am I now?_

_What am I now?_

_What if I'm someone I don't want around?_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling_

_What if I'm down?_

_What if I'm out?_

_What if I'm someone you won't talk about?_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling_

_And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again_

Louis head was clouded with the worry he was feeling and the guilt that was heavily pressing on his heart. He couldn’t believe that he had made Harry feel like this. Of course, he still needed him, of course he still cared about Harry, how could he have led Harry to believe otherwise. He never should have broken it off with Harry, it hadn’t been what was best for Harry. He realises now that breaking up with Harry had never been the best decision, it had been the worst decision he could have made.

_What am I now?_

_What am I now?_

_What if you're someone I just want around?_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling_

_What if I'm down?_

_What if I'm out?_

_What if I'm someone you won't talk about?_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling again_

_I'm falling_

As the last word escaped Harry’s lip, a single tear slid down his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes and took in a deep breath, willing the emotions away, trying to contain the tears that were almost spilling over the brim of his eyes. He opened the door of the recording booth and he looked around at the boys who all had shiny eyes and were looking at him with a face full of concert. At the view of the emotions that the other boys were feeling, Harry broke, tears slowly starting to spill over his cheeks.

Niall stood up and slowly approached Harry as if he was approaching a deer that he didn’t want to scare away. Harry’s eyes shot up towards Niall’s who shot him a small reassuring smile before opening his arms, inviting Harry to burrow himself into them. Which was exactly what Harry did.

“I’m sorry.” Harry apologized, not even sure what he was exactly apologizing for. He was sorry for what he was feeling, sorry for making the others feel so emotional. Sometimes he still felt like a burden to others, even though Niall had told him a dozen of times that he wasn’t a burden and that they were always glad to comfort him when he needed it. Harry still appreciated what the other boys had done for him right after he and Louis had broken up, they had been his safety net to fall back on when he had been feeling down in the past. He didn’t want to make a scene, that was the last thing he had wanted to do. He didn’t want to make them feel worried about him anymore, he knew how heavy the period after the break-up had been for Niall and Liam as well, how scared they had been to lose him.

He slowly burrowed his face into Niall neck, his tears leaving wet trails on Niall’s neck as Niall uttered “No no, come on none of that. There’s no need to be sorry, it was beautiful Harry. I loved it, so much.” As he slowly moved his hand up and down Harry’s back in order to reassure him. He knew how much the song must have meant to Harry, it sounded so beautiful, so vulnerable. He was proud of the younger buy, it must have not been easy for him. Especially seeing as he had to sing it in front of the person he had written it for.

“Thank you.” Harry muttered softly in the croak of Niall’s neck. His tears were slowly coming to a halt as he opened them when slowly lifting his head from where it had been nested into Niall’s neck. He felt himself being squeezed tightly one last time before Niall released the arms that had been tightly wrapped around him.

Harry took a step back and his eyes once again swept around the room, meeting Liam’s eyes who was smiling reassuringly at him.

“I agree with Niall Harry, it was absolutely beautiful, it definitely deserves to be on the album.” Liam said and stood up from where he was sitting on the couch. He slowly gathered Harry in a quick hug, which Harry happily returned.

Louis was left awkwardly sitting on the couch not knowing what to say in this situation. His first instinct had been to get up and comfort Harry as he had stepped out of the recording booth, before quickly realising that it hadn’t been his place anymore to do so. Both of the other boys had complimented Harry and given him a hug, however Louis wasn’t sure if that was what Harry wanted from him. He would give the world to be able to hug Harry like he had used to.

He slowly stood up from where he had been sitting on the couch and his eyes met Harry’s who were looking back at him with the same confliction clear in them. It was as the time had stopped running, everything seemed to have halted and was now moving into slow motion as Louis wiped away the remnants of the tears that had stained his cheeks just a few minutes prior. 

He carefully approached Harry step for step, not wanting to scare the younger boy who was looking at him with hesitance evident in his eyes away. He slowly draws Harry into his embrace, his arms swinging around Harry’s neck whilst he stood on the tips of his toes as Harry initially flinched away from the touch before slowly sinking into the embrace. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist, trying to make himself smaller, whilst Louis tightened his grip.

“It’s such a beautiful song baby, your voice is beautiful. I’m so sorry for putting you through that, I made a mistake, a huge mistake, and I hope one day you can forgive me, even if I don’t deserve it.” Louis whispered in Harry’s ears, not wanting the other boys to hear it, wanting to keep it a private moment between the both of them. The nickname had slipped out of him, not meant to be uttered as it might scare away the younger boy. Louis was just happy to have the younger boy in his arms again, just a few days ago he would have deemed it as impossible.

Louis slowly released his grip, not really wanting to do so, but he knew he had to. He took a small step away from the boy, looking in those emerald eyes as a single tear escaped Harry’s eyes that were filled with shock. Louis carefully wiped way the single tear before stepping away completely, shooting Harry one last small smile in the process.

He hoped that maybe one day he would be able to fix the terrible mistake he had made.


End file.
